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KEEPIN’ IT SLEAZY: AUGUST 2012

Monday 06th, August 2012 / 13:40

WEIRD SEX FACTS FOR THE DINNER TABLE

I have two great passions: the pursuit of knowledge and, of course, sex. Naturally, combining these two passions is an appealing prospect, so I’ve compiled a list of fascinating sex-related trivia. Learning is such fun, right?!

1. One report claims that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once, but what’s even more interesting is that male participants in the study claimed the exact same numbers. You. Fucking. Morons. People who fake orgasms don’t deserve real orgasms. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and tell them how to get you there. Dummies.

2. As early as 1850 BC, ladies were attempting to practice birth control. Historical methods of birth control include insertion of a honey and crocodile dung concoction into the coochie, using lemons as cervical caps and drinking mercury. Be grateful for latex condoms and oral contraceptives, even if they don’t make your junk smell lemony fresh.

3. The global average size of an erect penis is between five and six inches. Still, studies have shown that about 48% of men wish their dicks were bigger, and with good reason. A study on women’s preferred size indicates that the majority of women consider a length of seven to eight inches ideal. Congratulations, boys, your crippling insecurities were founded all along.

4. A survey by Lustability.com states that Caucasian women with a college degree are more likely than other women to engage in anal sex. Ass worshippers, use this information wisely.

5. At the moment of male ejaculation, the initial spurt travels at approximately 28 miles per hour and can shoot as much as two feet.

6. In Indiana, it is illegal to have a moustache if the bearer “has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.” I guess Hoosiers aren’t down with the moustache rides.

7. One survey determined that 60% of non-smoking women reported having no sexual partners in the past year, while 70% of women who do smoke reported having four or more partners in that same year. Either that whole thing about smoking not being sexy is a big ol’ lie, or us lady smokers are all hussies.

8. A study by Durex claims that 39% of Canadians own at least one vibrator, smashing the global average of 27%. On the other hand, we’re well behind Iceland where vibrator ownership is at 52%. Fuck yeah, Iceland!

9. Mystery finally (maybe) solved! Many linguists believe that the term “blow job” comes from the phrase “blow off”, referring to both the act of ejaculation and the concept of “blowing off some steam.” As in, getting your dick sucked is a very relieving experience.

10. The dolphin has a retractable, prehensile penis. As in, a male dolphin could theoretically use its dick like a hand. Think about that the next time you feel like swimming with dolphins.

It’s unlikely that you’re ever going to need the above information as a contestant on Jeopardy, true, but you now have some awesome statistics to spew out when you’re drunk at the bar. Enjoy!

By E-Z Breezy
Illustration: Jarett Sitter

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