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KEEPIN’ IT SLEAZY: DECEMBER 2012

Monday 10th, December 2012 / 14:56

KeepinItSleazy_cr-JarettSitterDOIN’ IT IN 2012

Almost 200,000 years ago, the earliest homo sapiens began their eventual conquest of this planet and so, for 200,000 years, we’ve been doin’ it. Not only have we been doin’ it, we’ve been finding creative new ways to do it, learning more about it, and defining and redefining sex’s place in culture all of this time. As such, we must ask ourselves as we reach our 200,001st year of boning, what great strides were made in 2012 to this grand tradition?

Politics: In August, Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin, in an act of supreme douchebaggery, stated on the matter of abortion in cases of rape that, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Scandal ensued as apparently politicians aren’t supposed to spew vile chunks of science-defying and anti-woman shit just before an election. Not content with this, fellow Republican Richard Mourdock decided to announce that pregnancy resulting from rape was “something God intended.” Thankfully, Akin was smashed in the election by woman, Democrat and overall sane person Claire McCaskill, and Mourdock lost as well.

Books: 50 Shades of Grey topped the New York Times Bestseller list, ushering in a new age where erotica consumption is the norm. It also made untold numbers of people uncomfortable when they learned that their mothers were reading BDSM porn.

Science: After 400 years of debate, the mystery of the G-spot was claimed to be physiologically proven this year by one Dr. Adam Ostrzenski. For those of you with a close, intimate relationship with your G-spots, this is hardly a revelation. But, for those still trying to navigate their way to the land of the G-spot orgasm, don’t give up!

Television: In November, the results of the first fully comprehensive, large-scale sex survey since Kinsey’s work in the ’50s aired as part of the Discovery Channel’s Curiosity series. This is a big deal, as it’s the first time researchers have done their due diligence in assessing broad-spectrum sexual behaviour in six decades.

Music: In a U.K. survey conducted by music psychologist Dr. Daniel Müllensiefen, one in three participants asserted that they could name a song that was better than sex. The top cited track to fit this prestigious description? “Bohemian Rhapsody.” I’m unsurprised. An honourable mention in this category goes out to the release of the Justin Bieber sex doll, because, really, what else were we going to use as stocking stuffers this Christmas?

Porn: Get ready porn consumers, because the industry is about to become even more plastic. The passing of a law requiring condom usage in porn productions in U.S. porn capital Los Angeles means that condoms will likely be making a more regular appearance in your fantasy time. Who knows, maybe this will be a catalyst for a stronger safe sex movement. One can hope.

Radio: Your friendly neighbourhood sex columnist E-Z Breezy has found a new way to reach you, O darling readers. The first Friday of every month on CJSW’s The Mixup, I will be guest starring to talk about sex! Tune in, call in, and sit back and laugh at my sparkling wit and candour.

Finally, I’d like to remind everyone that the world will probably not but totally could end this December 21st, so do yourselves a big favour and be sure to get in one last mind-bogglingly good end-of-the world screw, just in case.

By E-Z Breezy
Illustration: Jarett Sitter

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BEATROUTE AB E-EDITION

Alberta

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