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KEEPIN’ IT SLEAZY: JANUARY 2013

Monday 07th, January 2013 / 22:58

KeepinItSleazy_cr-JarettSitterRESOLUTIONS WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND

January marks the part of the year where we make solemn vows to ourselves to get it together: work out more, eat healthier, travel, get a better job, quit smoking, lay off the sauce, save a quantity of babies and maybe also kittens from a burning building. Some of these resolutions we keep, many we don’t, but there’s always 2014, right?

Or, as an alternative, 2013 could be the year you choose a sexy new year’s resolution — much easier to keep than actually kicking a bad habit or going to the gym and all of the available science suggests that a great sex life tends to unleash positivity on all other areas of your life. So, without further ado, a few suggestions for new year’s resolutions that you won’t want to forget about come February.

Treat yourself to things that make you feel sexy. Shell out the extra cash for silky undergarments, or new toys, or the fancy lube that costs so much you feel like it should also know how to make you pancakes. You’re worth it and people who feel sexy have more sex. It’s a fact, so celebrate your junk this year.

Masturbate more. Make sure you commit time out of your busy day working or rescuing kittens/babies to jerk it. If you aren’t into touching yourself between one and 26 times a week, how can you expect somebody else to be up for it?

Enjoy being single. If you’re in a relationship, good for you, or whatever. If you’re not, celebrate your singledom! Relish in the knowledge that if Angelina Jolie or the pretty boy from that movie about strippers wants to have sex with you, the world is your oyster, and you may seize life by the genitals and meet new people or have sex with attractive musicians or whatever else floats your boat. When it doubt, remember: What Would EZ Breezy Do? (WWEBD)

If you are in a relationship, commit to improving your sex life. “But, EZ Breezy,” you might find yourself saying, “I already have a terrific sex life with my spouse(s)/partner(s)/boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s)/vibrator(s)!” To that, I respond with the following: get creative, don’t be lazy, and there is always something new and exciting or something that could be done more often/harder/faster/slower/in a bathtub full of lime jello, and so on, so forth. You shouldn’t settle for bad sex, but neither should you stop trying to improve your sex life with your partner just because you hit good or even great.

Finally, remember that New Year’s or not, there is no bad time of year to start thinking about what you can do to improve your life. Sex just happens to be a really great way to start the process.

By E-Z Breezy
Illustration: Jarett Sitter

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