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Vanpooper – Log #2: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Monday 10th, November 2014 / 08:29
By Michelle Hanley

The Hotel Georgia

georgia1Rating: 5/5

After eating a delicious Chipotle Burrito with devastating results I had to find a bathroom quick and decided upon The Hotel Georgia.

This place is amazing. It took me a little while to find the confidence to walk into a place so fancy while wearing shoes that cost six dollars, but I’m so glad I did. Everything was beautiful. It smelled so good. Each stall is a private room. There’s also a separate vanity room. The towels were the softest and thickest and quiltiest. The handsoap was moisturizing and luxurious. It was an experience I’ll never forget.

I sat on the toilet and thought of all the people who have also pooped in this beautiful historic building. Elvis Presley shat here. The Beatles used the loo here. The Queen of England even dropped a loaf at this hotel. And now I have too! It was the best.

Movieland Arcade

movieland1Rating: 1/5

This arcade has a long history in downtown Vancouver. Originally opened in the ’60s, it’s been open and slowly decaying since. It is a truly bizarre haven among the hustle and bustle of the Granville strip, and my favourite place to go when I want to waste a bunch of quarters playing Ms. Pac Man.

One of the more unique features of this arcade is the old 8mm peep show booths in the back; the last of its kind in the world. But past those, I ventured into the bathroom. The scariest bathroom I’d ever been into in my life.

The first thing you notice upon walking into the bathroom is the giant hole in the door. Every single person who walks past this bathroom will see you taking a poop in plain sight. It is clearly cut out from the door. Why is this here? Some kind of weird glory hole for giants?

Needless to say I was too scared to poop here. Movieland Arcade, a bad place to poop, but a great place to play pinball and watch some cool vintage porn!

Victory Square

victory1Rating: 2/5

Victory Square, the strange little park that sits on the cusp of Gastown, Chinatown and Downtown. Formerly the site of The Old Provincial Court Houses, it’s now a gathering place for pot smokers, people eating tacos and this one guy who always seems to be hanging out with his bunny.

But the toilets! I’ve always been curious to check them out. Located down a sketchy staircase, I always imagined that it’s the kind of place where people go to die. Everything was nicer than expected! Very clean. No one else in there, only the caretaker in a separate room who looks after the bathrooms.

There are a few very weird things about these bathrooms. The toilets are super short, and I am very tall. I felt like I was pooping in an elementary school. Also, no mirrors anywhere in the bathroom! But it’s really not too bad. Victory Square, an alright place to poop.

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