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Vanpooper – Log #5: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Tuesday 10th, February 2015 / 15:06
By Michelle Hanley

McDonald’s – Main & Terminal

Vanpooper---MCDONALDSRating: 2/5

I have a soft spot for this particular McDonald’s location. I worked here in my youth, and it’s where I learned to be the hard-as-nails, tough East Van woman that I am today.

Despite their recent renovations, these bathrooms are still totally mediocre. They are still as littered with beer cans, drug paraphernalia and questionable individuals as they were when I was a sad, vegetarian employee of this McDonald’s who spent countless hours pretending to clean these grody toilets. On this particular visit there was a used menstrual pad on the TP dispenser and an empty bottle of Growers on the sink. Gross.

I’m not lovin’ it. Two poops out of 5.

Steamworks Brewery

Vanpooper---STEAMWORKSRating: 4/5

After hearing lots of talk about Steamworks’s fine facilities (the brewpub, not the bathhouse) I decided to pop by for a quick pint with some dear friends of mine. After one pint turned to three, I needed to use the toilet. After a long journey down a spiral staircase, through many hallways and doorways, I finally found the bathrooms and they did not disappoint.

Everyone knows that girls pee in pairs, and with a recent change to city by-laws, Steamworks needed more toilets, but had no room for them. So they crammed two toilets in one stall and put a neat little divider between them. It makes sharing a drunk pee with your BFFs so much more special.

As much fun as these toilets are, I can’t imagine they’d be the best for pooping in but totally impressive nonetheless. Four poops out of five.

Fairmont Hotel Vancouver

Vanpooper---FAIRMONTRating: 3/5

I remember the first time I took a poop at the Hotel Vancouver. I was amazed. Floor to ceiling stalls. Classical music playing. It was beautiful and luxurious. For months, it has been under renovations, and I’ve been anxiously awaiting my chance to go back and check it out.

Unfortunately, it has become a sad reminder of such. The redecorations are tacky. There was toilet paper all over the floor. The soft hand towels were nowhere to be found. I was already let down by these toilets when I noticed poop on the wall. Poop! How revolting.

These were once the finest toilets in town, but this was an awful disappointment. Check out the Hotel Georgia across the street instead. Three poops out of five.

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