Vanpooper – Log #10 – The Park Life Edition: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Thursday 20th, August 2015 / 02:00
By Michelle Hanley

VANCOUVER —

Crab Park

CrabPark3/5

Crab Park

Crab Park

Crab Park is a hidden gem. Located at the foot of Main Street, it’s tucked away between the Port of Vancouver and Canada Place. It’s surrounded by beautiful views of downtown Vancouver and the North Shore mountains. It’s even got a lovely beach that I really wouldn’t recommend swimming in because you’ll probably get a weird rash.

The bathrooms here are less horrifying than the average park bathroom, despite its location in the Downtown Eastside. They’re surprisingly clean with not even a bit of graffiti on the walls. The modern building has plenty of natural light coming through. The stalls each have about 7 toilet paper dispensers, so there’s no chance of it running out mid-poop. The only major downside is the recent lack of a soap dispenser. So it goes.

Crab Park. 3 poops out of 5.

Jonathan Rogers Park

JRog2-22/5

Jonathan Rogers Park

Jonathan Rogers Park

Jonathan Rogers, or I affectionately call it, J. Rog, is a cool park located in the heart of Mount Pleasant. Its location, near plenty of craft breweries makes it a great park to subtly drink bottles of fancy craft beer in. (DISCLAIMER: Drinking in parks is illegal, and Vanpooper does not condone any illegal activity.)

This bathroom here is located in one of Vancouver last remaining field houses. These are the adorable little cottages located in many local parks where live-in caretakers reside. The building is many decades old, and the washroom has certainly seen better days. It’s dark, dank, and a little smelly. It’s reminiscent of an elementary school bathroom, with stalls and toilets that are far too close to the ground. I’d recommend running into 33 Acres to use their toilets instead.

Jonathan Rogers Park. 2 poops out of 5.

Playland Amusement Park

playland11/5

Playland Amusement Park

Playland Amusement Park

I recently paid a visit to Playland for the first time since the carefree days of my youth, and I must say, it is not nearly as much fun when you are a hungover adult woman. After a nauseating ride on The Pirate Ship, I was close to spewing and quickly ran into the nearest bathroom.

The toilet was in an adorably painted trailer, made to look like a cute campsite outhouse. Though, the outside was charming, the inside of the bathroom was not nearly as pleasant. Upon entering, the smell of hot urine and baby poop was overwhelming. The stalls were incredibly cramped. In the one available stall, a used diaper was sticking out of the garbage can, located conveniently at face level. The tiny bathroom was overrun with screeching, suburban teens applying makeup and talking about hashtags and One Direction probably.

Playland. 1 poop out of 5.

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