Vanpooper – Log #11: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Thursday 24th, September 2015 / 16:26
By Michelle Hanley

VANCOUVER —

The Cambie

The Cambie

The Cambie

The Cambie in Gastown is one of Vancouver’s oldest pubs and was once home to a legendary bathroom. The men’s urinal was described to me by a former employee as “a cesspool of dirty needles and vomit, with a two foot long trough that only the most depraved lunatic would use.” Since then, they have been extensively renovated and are really quite nice now.

The women’s washroom is very pleasant. It’s romantically lit, with dark wood accents throughout. The fixtures are beautiful and modern, and it is consistently very clean. Although, with only 3 stalls, it’s often quite busy in there. But it’s a great opportunity to compliment the really nice drunk girl waiting in line on her nail polish and then instantly bond and become new best friends forever.

The Cambie

The Cambie

The Cambie. 4 poops out of 5.

The New Amsterdam Cafe

The New Amsterdam Cafe

The New Amsterdam Cafe

The New Amsterdam Cafe isn’t an average coffee shop. It is a place where one can sit and enjoy a coffee and a muffin but also smoke marijuana cigarettes! Vancouver sure is a crazy town.

I came here just to use their toilet, because doing pot is a sin and a crime. It was definitely one of the strangest bathroomss I’ve encountered. The walls are covered in a huge mural of Scooby Doo and his mystery solving buddies, but all smoking reefer! Scooby Doo’s eyes were as red as the devils dick, a common symptom of a marijuana overdose.

The bathrooms were kept very clean and smelled surprisingly pleasant. My only complaint was that the line for the toilet was very slow moving, with plenty of stoners experiencing probable moments of paranoid self reflection in the bathroom.

The New Amsterdam Cafe

The New Amsterdam Cafe

The New Amsterdam Cafe. 3 poops out of 5.

Whole Foods

Whole Foods

Whole Foods

Whole Foods is a magical place where you can buy $12 bottles of lettuce juice and $79 jars of honey from underpaid cashiers who will definitely stick their thumb in your organic and fair trade avocado when you complain to them about how hard it is to park the Bentley. It is also a place where I was employed for three years. I’m a little cynical now.

Perhaps it is because of my bitterness towards Whole Foods, but I find that these toilets are mediocre at best. For a place that caters to such a high-end clientele, higher standards are not being met. The toilets are often in need of a good clean. The decor and fixtures are very cheap and minimal. The mirrors are often crowded with terrible women reapplying makeup between their hot yoga classes and their daily visits to the overpriced salad bar. Though, I really do appreciate the compost bin in the bathroom. It makes me feel like a better person. Namaste.

Vanpooper - WHOLEFOODS2Whole Foods. 2 poops out of 5.

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Alberta

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