Vanpooper – Log #17: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Thursday 21st, April 2016 / 11:39
By Michelle Hanley

VANCOUVER —

The Passport Office

The Passport Office

The Passport Office

The Passport Office. Is there a worse place? A seemingly endless purgatory full of crying children, rude line cutters, smelly old people and depressed newlyweds who lost their passport on the eve of their honeymoon. It is, however, home to a beautiful bathroom.

It nearly makes the trip to the passport office bearable. The walls are covered in lovely pastel art-deco wallpaper. It is incredibly clean and well maintained. It smells wonderfully floral and pleasant.

A great place to poop even if you don’t have to renew your passport.

5 poops out of 5.

Dude Chilling Park

Dude Chilling Park

Dude Chilling Park

Dude Chilling Park is a small and modest park with a funny sign that people like to take selfies in front of. It’s also home to a truly disgusting porta-potty.

I have a very strict no porta-potty policy. I don’t go camping. I don’t attend music festivals. I don’t go anywhere where a porta-potty is my only option. This particular porta-potty is a great example as to why. The stench was unbelievable, like poop had somehow fermented. Everything was gross. The whole roll of toilet paper was pulled from the wall and someone had spilled what appeared to be a whole bottle of wine all over it.

This toilet has zero chill.

0 poops out of 5.

Fortune Sound Club

Fortune Sound Club

Fortune Sound Club

Fortune Sound Club is arguably the coolest nightclub in the city. It’s got a terrific sound system and a great bathroom. It is also a place I’ve seen Aaron Carter perform live at on two different occasions. It was incredible.

The bathrooms here are impressive. The stalls are huge and private, with the occasional bit of empowering graffiti on the wall. They’re generally very clean and well maintained. Though, it is a very busy bathroom, full of girls complimenting each other on their lipstick and sending drunken Snapchats to their friends.

Fortunately, Fortune Sound Club is a great place to poo.

4 poops put of 5.

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