Vanpooper – Log #20: Rating the best (and worst) of Vancouver’s public toilets

Tuesday 26th, July 2016 / 14:31
By Michelle Hanley

VANCOUVER —

Lululemon on Robson

Lululemon on Robson

Lululemon on Robson

4 poops out of 5

Lululemon requires no introduction. I recently paid a visit to this Vancouver-based, yuppie yoga retailer’s flagship location, just to poop obviously.

When Lululemon founder and local villain, Chip Wilson, said that some women shouldn’t wear their clothing he was talking about people who looked like me. Further evidence that absolutely nothing in this store was made for me was proven in the store’s bathroom where the toilet seat hilariously broke under the weight of my very large body. Despite being body shamed by their toilet, I was very impressed with the bathroom here. It is decorated with messages of posi-vibes on the mirror and there’s also a sign that says “I just awesomed all over the place,” which is a weird thing to put in a place where people poo and pee. It was relatively clean, but there were a lot of pubes in the Dyson Airblade™ and that was pretty gross. Namaste.

City Hall

City Hall

City Hall

3 poops out of 5

City Hall is a beautiful art deco building on Cambie Street where people go to pay parking tickets and property tax. It is also where Mayor DJ Gregor Robertson conspires to turn everything into condos.

The bathrooms at City Hall did not disappoint. They were very clean and well maintained. There was obviously a dual flush toilet and a compost bin for used paper towels, #greenestcity2020. The stalls in this bathroom were so spacious, I think the city could benefit by turning them into hip, microsuites and rent them out on Craigslist or Airbnb, especially now that we’ve reached peak housing crisis. Bathroom en suite. Close to transit. Located on a bike route and near a Whole Foods. No smoking, no pets, no parties.

The Juice Truck Store

The Juice Truck Store

The Juice Truck Store

5 poops out of 5

I don’t understand cold-pressed juice. Why anyone would spend upwards of 9 dollars on an artisanal, locally sourced, spike in blood sugar is beyond me. But people are buying it as The Juice Truck has evolved from a simple truck into a fancy brick and mortar storefront.

The bathroom at this place is super cute. You must pass through a sea of yoga moms with fancy strollers and tech bros on MacBooks who somehow can afford a $12 acai bowl and also a down payment on a home in the Olympic Village, but it is worth the journey. The bathroom is adorably pineapple themed! Pineapple wallpaper and pineapple art and even a pineapple garbage can. It is super clean and a great place to poop when that kale smoothie inevitably goes right through you.

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