By Erin Jardine
VANCOUVER — It goes without saying that Vancouver is a sexy city. We have a world famous nude beach and, on a hot day, it is absolutely seething with beauty. A happy hive of individuals each with their own reason to walk down those stairs and enjoy their body in one of the best places that BC has to offer. This is not about Wreck Beach — this is about the people that gather when the Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show comes to town. Running this year from February 3 to 5, the show attracted what felt like every demographic of human sexual identity, wearing elaborate costumes of corset and steampunk, pin up, puppies, latex, daisy dukes and cowboy hats. Of course, these standouts were diamonds in the rough amidst the piles of couples. The couples were adorable, and there were certainly products and seminars catering to every stage of life.
The local organizations behind Vancouver’s sexy scene were represented strongly with multiple mainstage shows, notably AVA Fitness’ “Down With The Sickness” dance with drummer Jeremy Gilmartin of local metal band Neck of the Woods taking the prize as the loudest sexy dance I saw all weekend. Army Of Sass performed with a huge amount of performers onstage, making for a really unique take on the style of dance usually undertaken by a lone stripper on a tiny stage. Of course, the Tantra Fitness pole dancing competition finals were an absolute highlight on the quieter Sunday. With three categories — amateur, semi-pro and pro — the spectrum of moves was an excellent invitation for those who actively avoid wearing heels and dancing (such as myself), to see how the basic moves can develop the body and build a person’s confidence to an astonishingly beautiful level. I was equally as impressed with the very first amateur as I was with the impeccably polished Nicky Ninedoors who dominated the pro division.
To take a break from the constant current of attendees flowing through the aisles, I watched Sex Therapist Teesha Morgan’s seminar entitled, “Need Some Spice? Five Ways to Kickstart A Lackluster Sex Life.” Though this talk definitely seemed intended for an audience outside my age range, I took away some seriously awesome notes on communication and spontaneity that can be applied to any nature of relationship. Morgan explains the problem as an onion having layers. The first is rather superficial. She recommends a number of tools, some free, some not free, and some very expensive. Morgan also featured a seminar, “Top 5 Oral Sex Techniques,” a thoroughly condensed preview of her book written entirely about blowjobs, Heads Up.
Speaking of penises, bloodcurdling screams arose when Brent Ray Fraser, the Penis Painter, lunged about onstage. The only intentional nudity over the whole weekend, Fraser’s performance was perhaps the most unique thing I have ever seen. With his dick as a paintbrush, Fraser painted a very cute kitty, which now has me thinking about his penis every time I look at my own cat. I’m sure I’m not the only one with lingering images — and I’m definitely sure no one is complaining.
MC’d hilariously by Simone Says, she was gnarly and ruthless, letting it all out on the Sunday when I had a chance to get close to the stage. She oversaw a hilarious audience couples game that had everyone in stitches. The Dungeon corner was a popular sight for curious eyes as well, providing a breather from the booming PA system and artfully presenting Vancouver’s fetish community.
It’s no secret that sex sells and a lot of sexy things sold over the weekend. The exhibitors at the show beheld wonders for the bedroom and home — everything seemed to be so reasonably priced, leading to multiple inner debates of how many wild upgrades I could afford treat myself to. Saturday was full of shoppers, and when I returned on Sunday, much of the inventory had been cleared. I would definitely recommend attending during the day, but before Sunday in order to properly peruse the booths. For those who have never attended, the show is well balanced with items suited for the non-fetishist as well. Think about it — to do most basic fetish things, all you need is a quick trip to the home depot.BC, British Columbia, Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show