Anna Karenina Even if you never read him, Tolstoy is good to have on your bookshelf in case you need to stop a bullet. Unfortunately, this Tolstoy drama is on […]

Taken 2 The best thing about being abducted for a second time is that your pre-existing Stockholm Syndrome will allow you to immediately bond with your captor(s). However, the subsequent […]

Total Recall (2012) The key to implanting memories is making sure your doctor embeds the remembrances of the correct sex. Thankfully, the patient receiving the treatment in this sci-fi movie […]

The Expendables 2 The worst part of being the expendable one on a team of mercenaries is they don’t even give you a gun to use. Luckily, the ensemble in […]

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter The idea that Lincoln fought vampires is more credible than assertions that he cared about slaves. And while this horror movie doesn’t speak to the mendacity […]

The Cabin in the Woods When spending time at a cabin in the woods it’s important to remember the essentials: beers, babes and bone cutters. Unfortunately, the co-eds in this […]

The Dictator Remove their medals, fatigues and facial hair, and dictators are nothing but unbalanced people with access to nuclear arms. Unfortunately, the tetchy tyrant in this comedy has lost […]

The Three Stooges Finally, Hollywood has produced a worthy feature film about The Three Stooges: the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Oops! Apparently, real-life idiots are the ones doing […]

Project X Spreading the word you’re having a house party by whispering it into someone’s ear is the reason why guests show up with purple washing machines. Fortunately, the pubescent […]

This Means War When CIA agents say that they are seeing the same woman, it’s usually a prostitute they’re talking about. However, in the case of the action romance, the […]